Always a Battle

I don't know about you but this is always a battle for me. I haven't tracked my food, blogged to try to stay on course or given my weight loss journey much of a thought in the last week or so. I realize that this is not what I want or what is good for me, I think I am just in a funk and need to pick myself back up and get motivated. All my clothes are too tight, you would think this would be the kick in the ass that I need, but so far it isn't. The winter weather has gotten me into hibernate mode, all I want to do is get all warm and cozy on my couch with a big bowl of mac and cheese and call it a day. I suppose it doesn't help that I am sick AGAIN, or that my husband and I just moved to a new apartment and all of our crap is everywhere, but seriously I think I am depressed about my weight. That I worked so hard to get to where I was and now I am letting it all go. Being honest about how I feel is a step in the right direction and as a food addict I believe that is step 1 in the recovery program. Everyday is a battle and I may have lost the last few rounds but I want to win in the end.

THAT WAS QUICK

Well I fell off the wagon already... it didn't take too long and that worries me.
I had pasta for dinner last night followed by 3 cookies. What the hell is going on here??
I am not going to BLAME the film Amour, but I am going to make the connection that I definitely eat when I am sad and after watching that movie on Wednesday I have not been able to stop crying. I was really craving comfort food and really did go all out.
So today is a new day... so far so good. Fingers are crossed and I will be texting my girls later when I want to eat the leftover pasta or cookies that are sitting in my fridge and on the counter just waiting to taunt me!

THE CLEANSE UPDATE

I need to start this blog by thanking my dear friend Sabrina for sending me a lovely email last night saying that she still reads this blog...I know I haven't posted in a few days and it was the gentle reminder that I very badly needed in order to get back on track! THANKS SABS!!!

I have to say that I really loved the cleanse, I felt great after it was over and would definitely do the cooler cleanse again in the future. During the 2 day prep I had a hard time getting off caffeine, I felt tired and was getting headaches (hello withdrawal) but I did enjoy the "eating clean" aspect of the 2 day prep. I lost 1.2 pounds in that 48 hour period and I think that it really helped when it came time to starting the juices. I was mentally psyched to begin the next 3 days of juicing.
You are supposed to do 2 days of cleaning eating afterwards BUT I had forgotten that I plans to go to the city with my mother for dinner and a show... so that was a bust.
I had lost almost 5 pounds by the end of the 2 day prep and 3 day cleanse, I have not gotten back on the scale since, I know that it was mostly water weight and that I will see the scale go back up... which I am honestly not prepared to do yet.

I am back on Weight Watchers now and I will restart my dedication to keeping track of my points, which is really hard for me.

BUT on a better note I am going to share a delicious recipe that I found on Smitten Kitchen for Carrot soup! The soup comes out to 3 points per serving, the Tahini is about 2 or 3 (not sure if I calculated that correctly) and 1/8 of a cup of chickpeas in 1 point... I figured that tossing a couple of chickpeas as a garnish on the soup will cost me that 1 point.

ENJOY!!!!

Carrot Soup with Lemon, Tahini and Crisped Chickpeas

Serves 4, generously or 6, petitely




Soup
2 tablespoons (30 ml) olive oil
2 pounds (905 grams) carrots, peeled, diced or thinly sliced
1 large onion, finely chopped
4 regular or 6 small garlic cloves, peeled and smashed
1/4 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon table salt, plus more if needed
Pinch of Aleppo pepper or red pepper flakes
4 cups (945 ml) vegetable broth

Crisped chickpeas
1 3/4 cups cooked chickpeas, or 1 15-ounce (425-gram) can, drained, patted dry on paper towels
1 generous tablespoon (15 ml or so) olive oil
1/2 teaspoon coarse salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin

Lemon-tahini dollop
3 tablespoons (25 grams) tahini paste
2 tablespoons (30 ml) lemon juice
Pinch or two of salt
2 tablespoons (30 ml) water

Heat two tablespoons olive oil in heavy large pot over medium heat. Add carrots, onion, garlic, coriander, cumin, salt and pepper flakes and sauté until they begin to brown, about 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, heat your oven to 425 degrees F. Toss chickpeas with one tablespoon olive oil, salt and cumin until they’re all coated. Spread them on a baking sheet or pan and roast them in the oven until they’re browned and crisp. This can take anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes, depending on the size and firmness of your chickpeas. Toss them occasionally to make sure they’re toasting evenly.

Once vegetables have begun to brown, add broth, using it to scrape up any bits stuck to the bottom of the pot. Cover pot with lid and simmer until carrots are tender, stirring occasionally, about 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, in a small dish, whisk together tahini, lemon juice, salt and water until smooth with a yogurt-like consistency. If more liquid is needed to thin it, you can add more lemon juice or water, a spoonful at a time, until you get your desired consistency.

Puree soup in a blender or with an immersion blender until smooth. Ladle into bowls. Dollop each with lemon-tahini, sprinkle with crisped chickpeas and garnish with chopped parsley.

Time to cleanse

So I have been cleansing for a few days now, Monday and Tuesday were my prep days and yesterday and today I have pretty much stuck to the juice. It hasn't been easy and I have had a piece of fruit each day along with an avocado and quinoa, which I only eat when I start to get a headache. I don't feel tired like I thought I would, and the juice is pretty good. I am mixing the 2 different green juices together because one is just way too sweet and of course the other tastes like parsley.
I am happy that I went through with this cleanse but I am so happy tomorrow is the last day of juice! I am a little proud of myself for sticking with it, I can look back at this blog and remember that I didn't give up when it would have been the easiest thing to do. Let's be honest, who would know or care that I gave up on the cleanse besides me? My husband would, and he would support me no matter what, which is great and I love that, my coworkers would also know. But what I need to depend on is not letting myself down. I know I will have a rough go of if at times but I need to figure out what works for me and come to terms with whatever that solution is. Adding the little bit of food to this cleanse is how I am getting through it and I am more than Ok with that. And now I know I can do something else that I might think is just too difficult to accomplish...even if I need to make a few modifications along the way.
I'll still be proud of me.

Challenges

There are so many challenges when trying to be healthier, especially at the start. I had a really good first few days, I was tracking my WW points, eating healthy, drinking more water and I was feeling great. My first hurdle was a work party on Friday night and the dinner with coworkers that came before it. I got to the restaurant first and of course it is an Italian restaurant... pasta... pasta...pasta. So here I am face to face with one of my frenemies and I made a decision right then, no pasta tonight. Instead I ordered chicken, I am sure it was lightly dusted in flour, but it was the best option on the menu and I was really happy with myself. I had 3 sips of wine (what a waste of a glass!) and a small piece of bread with a slice of mozz and tomato.
When we got to the bar to celebrate I committed myself to water, unfortunately my coworkers peer pressure to have a drink won. I had 1 drink and went back to water, which was really easy for me because I really don't drink very often.
But the real test came after the party, when everyone wanted to go to the diner. I was surrounded by orders of burgers and fries and all I had was a pickle spear! I was so proud of myself, I sat there while everyone around me stuffed their drunk faces with greasy burgers and fries. I was jealous. I can't lie and say it was easy to sit there because it wasn't. It was really hard.
I didn't make it through unscathed but I definitely avoided a major meltdown and for that I am really proud. I had a great time, I ate good food, and I left feeling good about my decisions. I think that is all you can really do, it isn't about skipping out on nights out or having a bad time because you ordered something you really didn't want to eat because it was diet, it is about moderation.

Tracking

I know the importance of keeping track of what you eat, I have been told this over and over by my good friend Weight Watchers. I always start off great but then somehow I forget to track a dinner and that turns into weeks of not keeping track. I always think that I can get away with it because I have a mental tally of my daily points in my mind. I am calling bullshit on myself right now. If you don't write it down you will never get anywhere for many reasons.

First of all, you will always forget something. It is so easy to go over your points (if you are doing Weight Watchers you are allowed a certain amount of points per day and each food is given a # value) when you don't keep track of what you eat because something as small as the creamer in your coffee can put you over.

Second, portion control is difficult and when you know you have to write it down then you would be more likely to weigh and measure your food.

Third, if you don't track or keep a food journal then how will you hold yourself accountable when you do cheat? Knowing when you make a mistake will help you stay on the right path the next time you are in a situation where making the wrong choice is really easy.

So right now I have alerts sent to my phone to remind me to open up that app and enter my points. There are various apps you can download to help you food journal, you can check out this list on FitSugar.com: http://www.fitsugar.com/Best-Food-Journal-iPhone-Apps-24122176

I happen to like Weight Watchers, I think their program works if you stick to it. I have lost weight in the past on this program when I actually follow it! And I must be honest and say that Jennifer Hudson is all I need to show me that it works.

Temptations

These are the snack options that my workplace provided tonight for the overnight employees. One the first day of the new year when people are trying to eat healthier, trying to stick to those resolutions made less than 24 hours ago, we are tempted with cookies, candy and soda. I am not going to lie to you all and say it was easy to walk away... I saw that caramello thought to myself "ohhhh I haven't had one of those in years. I should reintroduce myself", but I thought about this blog, the scale, and the disappoint that would come after inhaling an inferior piece of chocolate and I walked away. (If I fall of the wagon I want it to be with a sexy, delicious temptress... something I can feel slightly better about cheating with)These snack options are only part of the problem though. Yes they were the only things provided, and that is why I have to remember to be responsible, be in charge of my own life and bring my own food. When I saw that sugary display I went to the fridge and pulled out my packed lunch and looked at it and then looked over at that pile of temptation that was calling to me (I swear it was begging me to grab a candy bar or a cookie or even both!) and the proudly grabbed my salad and walked away!So I passed the first test on day 1... I refuse to get cocky and think that this will be an easy course in dieting, that is when the pop quiz will take you down. I am going to keep on being prepared (a baggie of unsalted almonds or a piece of fruit in my bag at all times is going to be a must) and I will start to surround myself with literature that will inspire me to stay on track. (I will of course share those reads with you and hope it will help others on the same road I am on)

As I end this post I am realizing that this salad is keeping me full, it is healthy and it tastes pretty darn good. Sure that chocolate would have been good too, but 5 minutes later I know I would have been looking for something else. So I end this post happier, healthier and 1 step closer in the very long road ahead!